How we change what others think, feel, believe and do

Your Bill of Rights

Techniques > Assertiveness > Your Bill of Rights

Description | Example | Discussion | See also

Description

Consider yourself a human, just like everyone else. Think about the rights that you should have. Think about the rights you want.

Make a list of your rights. Think of it as a legal 'Bill of Rights'. Write them down. Pin the list on the wall (or even frame it). Then live by them.

Example

My rights are to:

Express my own feelings and opinions
Be listened to and taken seriously
Say no without feeling guilty
Ask for what I want
Make mistakes
Be wrong
Have others apologize when they wrong me
Be treated with respect
Set my own priorities
Get what I pay for
Be told the truth
Speak the truth
Question others
Make my own decisions
Disagree with others
Say nothing when I do not want to speak
Determine my own future
Try out new ideas
Abstain, not voting if I do not have an opinion
Appeal against unfairness
Hold my own beliefs
Have relationships with others
Change my mind
Have my own space
Grab opportunities
Take risks
Dress as I wish

Discussion

The above example includes many rights that we actually have, yet which many people do not think they have.

The notion of 'Rights' is a human conception. Rights are ideas that we socially construct, creating beliefs and agreeing values about what is right and wrong, allowed and not allowed. We then ascribe these rights to people. Some rights are universal, with everyone having the rights. Others are rights for different groups such as young, old, poor, rich, kin, enemy and so on.

As a part of this, we assume rights for ourselves that may be different to rights of others. When people take a subservient, passive role, they assume they have fewer rights than those who act in a dominant way. This assumption of rights is at the root of the different behaviors of these two groups and can be seen in the different styles of body language.

To be assertive is, in many ways, simply to adopt equal rights. If you believe (or just act) in a way that assumes you have the rights that you ascribe to others, you make yourself equal to them. This can be a huge breakthrough for many people.