How we change what others think, feel, believe and do

Confidence principle

Principles > Confidence principle

Principle | How it works | So what

Principle

A confident persuader creates confidence in the persuaded.

How does it work?

Emotions and attitudes are catching. If you are uncertain in your arguments and appear to lack confidence in yourself, the other person will not be persuaded.

We all have a need for certainty, and confidence is the outward sign of inner certainty. By giving the other person confidence, you are fulfilling this need in them.

Confidence is a message. A non-confident person and a strong message leads to mixed messages. For the other person to be confident in their decision to agree, all of your messages, verbal and non-verbal, must align.

Confidence in yourself

Confidence starts with yourself. If you have sound self-esteem and a strong self-confidence, then this will naturally appear in everything you do. Being loud and brash, by the way, does not signal confidence - it is often a sign of someone who lacks confidence and is trying to compensate for this.

A more powerful confidence is that which is quiet and confident enough in oneself to embrace the paradox of being open when you are unsure about something (which acts as the exception that proves that you are truly confident the rest of the time).

Confidence about what you are selling

Whatever you are selling or seeking to persuade, you need to believe that it is truly valuable and worthwhile. A salesperson who does not believe in their products will communicate this, no matter how slick an act they put on.

Confidence in your arguments

When you are persuading another person, if your arguments are weak and easily challenged, then you will probably have difficulty in being confident about them. If, on the other hand, you understand and believe what you are saying, you will appear far more confident.

Confidence about the other person

You also need confidence about the other person. If you see them as a threat then you will react very differently from if you see them as a person to be cared for and who you can help.

But not over-confidence

Confidence can be over-done and appear as arrogance. This particularly happen when the other person is uncertain and the persuader is making them feel stupid or pressurized.

To lead others, the confidence of the persuader needs to be at an attractive place in front of them towards which they can move. If it is too far away, they are likely to react negatively towards it.

So what?

Build self-confidence by doing internal work on your belief system. Make friends with your subconscious. See your self as equal to others. Know that you are a good person with sound values.

Build confidence in the product by studying it in detail. This will also help you to explain it to the person to whom you are selling. If you are persuading about non-products, then likewise build a deep understanding of what you want.

Build confidence in your arguments by thinking them through and linking them to what you are selling. Also link your whole persuasion to the other person and what they want.

Confidence in other people starts with confidence in yourself and with your overall beliefs about people. Just as you should research the product and what you will say, it is of great value to find out more about the other person.

Always make your confidence attractive. Do not act as if an unconfident person is stupid. Show understanding that they are not confident and position your confidence where they can seek to be as confident as you.

See also

Alignment principle, Harmony principle,