How we change what others think, feel, believe and do

Be Strong

Explanations > Motivation > Kahler's drivers > Be Strong

This is one of the five drivers originally identified in the field of Transactional Analysis by Taibi Kahler. Here are some simple and useful notes on it.

Imperative

I must be invulnerable at all times. I must not cry or show any weakness.
I cannot express emotions. I must help others but not myself (I do not need help).

Identification

Aggressive or assertive attitude, demonstrating strength in attitude.
Objective language, distancing themselves from their feelings. Avoids 'I' language and any talk about emotions.
Frozen face and body, hiding emotions.
Will take on all tasks without complaint.

Benefits

Good for getting things done, especially in a crisis.
Does not take things personally or get sucked into emotional situations.
Generous, always helping others before self.

Problems

Withdrawn under stress as they hold emotions in. Refusal to acknowledge they are stressed.
Bottled-up emotions that may explode outwards onto others or be held in and do internal damage.
Can get into 'who is the strongest' competitions with others, especially those who also have powerful 'be strong' drivers.
Expecting others to be strong. Contempt for the weak.

Treatment

Praise for consideration of the feelings of others.
Put them in slightly vulnerable situations and praise their handling and exposure of emotions. Only make them as vulnerable as they can handle without going into Fight-or-Flight.
Be considerate about their emotions. Show that you recognize them and that it is ok for them to have feelings.
Show them that they are not to blame for things, including their own internal issues.
Help them receive with good grace as well as give to others.
Help them see where their strength appears as a threat to others.

So what?

Recognize these drivers in yourself and others and treat them accordingly.