How we change what others think, feel, believe and do

Devoted Service

Techniques > Happiness > Devoted Service

Description | Discussion | See also

Description

A respectable and sometimes surprising route to happiness is through service to others.

This may be in a small way, helping people where you can. It may be in a public career such as teaching and it may entail (but does not require) privation and personal sacrifice.

Service starts with respect and care for other people. It does not mean putting yourself lower than them but it also does not mean taking a position of superiority.

Being other-focused requires empathy, being able to sense their emotions. You should seek to stand in their shoes and see things from their point of view. Seek to understand their beliefs and values and why they hold these. It is difficult to dislike another person you truly understand.

Discussion

Happiness through others is a vicarious activity. When you see their joy, you can bask in the reflected pleasure, taking private comfort in the knowledge that you are engaging in work that is socially very respectable.

One reason why connecting with others is so pleasurable is that it increases our sense of identity as we expand our 'selves' into their 'selves', making one larger 'virtual person'.

It is said that 'what goes around, comes around' and 'as you sow, so also shall you reap'. Service can be a powerful way of building personal security. When you help others, then the likelihood of others helping you also increases. If you have helped a hundred people, then all it takes is one to help you when you need assistance.

A classic example of joyful service to others is Mother Teresa's lifetime work in Calcutta. And she is far from alone: many have spent much of their lives helping the poor, the needy and just the public at large. Despite what many appear to become, politicians may well start from a desire to serve and a number do sustain integrity in this cause throughout their political careers.

There is even neural proof that helping others brings happiness. Harbaugh et al. (2007) showed people pictures of their taxes being used to help others and then asked them to donate to charity. Both when they saw others being helped and when they donated. their caudate nucleus and nucleus accumbens, both of which are activated when basic needs are met (including receiving money), lit up on an fMRI brain scan.

See also

Prosocial Behavior

Harbaugh, W.T., Mayr, U. and Burghart, D.R. (2007). Neural Responses to Taxation and Voluntary Giving Reveal Motives for Charitable Donations, Science, 316, 5831, 1622-1625

Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M. and Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9, 2, 111-131.

Nelson, S. K., Layous, K., Cole, S. and Lyubomirsky, S. (2016). Do unto others or treat yourself?: The effects of prosocial and self-focused behavior on psychological flourishing. Emotion, 16, 850-861.