Connecting with pronouns

Techniques > Use of language > Parts of speech > Using pronouns > Connecting with pronouns

Method | Example | Discussion | See also

Method

Use pronouns to create connection with other people. Use 'you' to recognize and accept the other person. Use 'we' to create a connection with them.

Using 'you' aggressively and in the accusative also can be used to break connection or cause tension, if this is what is required.

Using 'I' and 'me' can also cause a separation, particularly if you are using in a selfish context. They can also be used to prod the other person into recognizing that you have rights too and need greater consideration.

Example

You know, Jim, if you took it with you today, you could use it tonight.

Now, how can we resolve this last point? Then you could take it home today.

They are coming soon. What can we do about it?

What I want is that you give me more consideration.

Discussion

All sales people know the power of pronouns. If they say 'you', this is one step down from using the person's name (which can be easily over-used). This is triggering identity needs.

Using 'we' or 'us' creates bonding and identification with the other person. Using 'you' grabs attention, but also subtly separates 'me' from 'you', which may be desirable if you want the other person to focus on themselves. 'They' also separates, often from 'we' and can further increase bonding.

When separation is created by highlighting the difference between the speaker and the person, a tension is created that can be productive, if carefully managed.