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ChangingMinds Blog! > Blog Archive > 21-May-08

 


Wednesday 21-May-08

Teenage turnaround

I've written an occasional blog over the past year or so about the trials and tribulations with my teenage son. It's a common problem, it seems, and I've had many sympathetic and helpful communications on the subject with people around the world. This update is, at last, hopeful and positive.

The critical event was, perhaps predictably, getting a job. I noticed that a local Tesco store was extending and looking for new staff so my wife took him along and he got an offer to work on the new meat counter. Nothing to set the world alight, maybe, but it was full-time and more than shelf-stacking.

He'd not lasted in other jobs and we'd learned not to expect much, yet we were still hopeful. Tesco is the leading grocer in the UK and is known as a meritocracy where those who do well can find a good career.

Almost immediately we noticed a change in him. He came home cheerful and actually chatted to us about how he was getting on. He completed his training in record time at a nearby store and helped out with the setup of the new store. When others were late he took over their roles. He arrived at work early and was never in a hurry to leave.

He has been there a month now and has already been promoted to second in charge of the fresh food counters (fish, meat, cheese and deli). Last week he reorganised the store room, for which he got a commendation from the store manager, then spent time on his computer at home making signs to put on the shelves.

His evolution into full adulthood isn't complete yet and we still get some moodiness and outbursts, yet he has come on a long way in a short space of time. Where he goes in life is his choice and responsibility, though he could do a lot worse than stay with Tesco. They are known as a meritocracy and he has a lot of ability. Whatever he does, we have our fingers crossed for him.

Update 26-Feb-10: See also Teenage troubles over?


Your comments


That is simply wonderful news! I am happy to hear this good news!

-- Gene


I was so pleased to hear this great news. Our son is currently going through the staying in his room playing computer games all day and all night phase and I was feeling absolutely desperate, and found your previous blog. It was wonderful to feel that we weren't alone, and even better to have some hope that things will change. No amount of cajoling or pleading will persuade him to apply for any jobs at present (he says he knows he won't like it so what's the point?) I don't know if we should just leave him alone, which is what he wants, because he regards any kind of offer to help as criticism. Like your son, he is a lovely, gentle, good, intelligent person and it's so painful to see him locking himself up in this prison of his own making. Your blog has given me hope that things will change. Do you think we should leave him alone or look for jobs for him in the hope one will turn up he might try?

Thanks again and very best wishes for your family

Lesley

Dave replies:
Hi Lesley -- growing up is hard, especially for some. My son is not out of the woods yet -- he still has his sullen days, but he is slowly improving. Most importantly, he has held down the job and has even been promoted.


Dave, thanks for sharing your story with us. I am going through a lot with my 17yr old daughter right now. She just told me and her dad that she wanted to quit school because she is bored and that we cannot make her go. She says she wants to be a hairdresser and will get her GED and go to college. She is a senior with only 8 months to go. She does not have a lot of friends at school like she used to. She smokes pot but I think that is all the drugs she is doing now (isn't that enough?) We have always had a good relationship and she really is a nice kid who does bad things. Was wondering if anyone else had this problem and how they dealt with it.

Thanks, Diane

Dave replies:
Hi Diane. You are not alone. Your daughter sounds like a fine young lady who wants to develop a particular career. Given the fact of only 8 month left, perhaps you could incentivize her to stay on that period by promising to fund part of her hairdressing training if she stays the rest of the current course. One reason she may want to quit is if she fears she will disappoint you with less than perfect results. It's probably worth reassuring her around this. Also show her how completing her senior year will help with her future career.

One thing I've always tried to do with my kids is to show them reality and then respect their decisions when made with fair knowledge of the real costs and risks. I'm also careful not to dance after them with a safety net. I'll not always be there and it would only teach them to take even more risks. The reality checks they may get may be heart-stopping for you, but will help them learn and take responsibility.

Many kids smoke pot and as long as it's not excessive most also survive it just fine (otherwise many of our generation would not be as ok as they are now). Know the signs of it worsening and be vigilant, otherwise I'd suggest not worrying too much about this.


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Main sections: | Disciplines | Techniques | Principles | Explanations | Theories |

Other sections: | Blog! | Quotes | Guest articles | Analysis | Books | Help |

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Please help and share:

 

Quick links

Disciplines

* Argument
* Brand management
* Change Management
* Coaching
* Communication
* Counseling
* Game Design
* Human Resources
* Job-finding
* Leadership
* Marketing
* Politics
* Propaganda
* Rhetoric
* Negotiation
* Psychoanalysis
* Sales
* Sociology
* Storytelling
* Teaching
* Warfare
* Workplace design

Techniques

* Assertiveness
* Body language
* Change techniques
* Closing techniques
* Conversation
* Confidence tricks
* Conversion
* Creative techniques
* General techniques
* Happiness
* Hypnotism
* Interrogation
* Language
* Listening
* Negotiation tactics
* Objection handling
* Propaganda
* Problem-solving
* Public speaking
* Questioning
* Using repetition
* Resisting persuasion
* Self-development
* Sequential requests
* Storytelling
* Stress Management
* Tipping
* Using humor
* Willpower

Principles

+ Principles

Explanations

* Behaviors
* Beliefs
* Brain stuff
* Conditioning
* Coping Mechanisms
* Critical Theory
* Culture
* Decisions
* Emotions
* Evolution
* Gender
* Games
* Groups
* Habit
* Identity
* Learning
* Meaning
* Memory
* Motivation
* Models
* Needs
* Personality
* Power
* Preferences
* Research
* Relationships
* SIFT Model
* Social Research
* Stress
* Trust
* Values

Theories

* Alphabetic list
* Theory types

And

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