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ChangingMinds Blog! > Blog Archive > 16-Jul-07

Monday 16-July-2007

Pressing reset

My son came to live again at home at the weekend. After the drama of leaving home and going to live in London with a friend, it seems it didn't turn out so well. I found him a job as an IT gopher but that lasted a week -- despite a fair wage he didn't like the work or the people. Then other problems meant he had to return.

The biggest concern we have is that things will go back to how they were, with him acting as a noxious child, treating life as a holiday and being unpleasant when he didn't get his own way. The second biggest concern is that we cause this to happen again, effectively pressing the reset button. When you expect something, it is very easy to act as if it were true and thus create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The conditions for his return, to which he agreed, is that he acts as a responsible adult, which means being civil and contributing to the household, including getting a job. So far, touch wood, he has been pleasantly good company and given some help. The job front is less certain, and although he says he will get a job he has planned a 'holiday' to see a friend in a couple of weeks, which effectively means he is unlikely to be in work for at least a month.

'Self-monitoring' means watching your thoughts before they get to your mouth. I'm practicing hard. I'm also an optimist and believe he'll gradually wake up to adult realities. Let's see.

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