How Healing The Inner Child Will Help Those "Sad Feelings" Go Away If You're
a Parent and an Abuse Survivor
Guest articles > How Healing The Inner Child Will Help Those "Sad Feelings" Go Away If You're
a Parent and an Abuse Survivor
by: Adam Appleson
Let's take a trip using your imagination.
Let's pretend you had the best childhood one could possibly hope for. You
loving parents, lived in a nice neighborhood, and had lots of friends to play
with. Can you see this little kid?
Isn't he or she so happy? Can you see how this little kid would grow into a
happy adult? At the core of this adult is still that wide-eyed, happy youngster
who loves life.
This kid is your inner child.
Oh boy. "Inner what?", you may be asking. The inner child is essentially a
psychological concept which describes who we are. The inner child is that
little boy or girl inside all of us that makes us individuals and animates our
personality. It is our authentic self. It is what makes your friend interested
in rap music or your other friend interested in collecting sea shells by the
But of course, the sad truth is not all of us get happy childhoods.
And child abuse leads to a wounded inner child. That wounded child is the
authentic part of yourself that may have been beaten, repressed, and not treated
very kindly. As a result, you have some unresolved emotional trauma. The inner
child had to witness the effects of an alcoholic father or an abusive
stepmother. This inner child protected himself or herself in any number of ways
including zoning out or denying what happened.
Your wounded inner child is the part of you that feels so sad now.
If you're an abuse survivor with children, you may find you're extremely
sensitive to child abuse. You may also feel pain when you to look at your own
children because it causes you to think about what you missed out on as a
child. These feelings can be overwhelming at times. You may find yourself
crying or having feelings of sadness in general.
When you look at your child and see all the things you missed out on, you're
grieving. It's natural. You went through an emotionally trying time. So cry.
Let it out. This is the first step to healing.
Then congratulate yourself.
Grieving over your loss is a good thing. It means you're aware that you were
abused and you're aware of these feelings. That's the first step to getting on
the road to healing the inner child.
If you're wondering whether the pain ever stops, I would encourage you look
at it in a different way.
Because it's a loss. And like all losses, it's something that you have to
integrate into your life. The closest analogy is someone who lost a loving
parent to an early death. The pain of losing the loving parent will lessen in
intensity over time, and this person will move on with life, but the loss will
always be there. That's how it feels. You may find something triggers an issue
that you haven't resolved or grieved through, so you'll work through it. You'll
incorporate the loss into your life.
If you feel overwhelmed, don't worry, there are tools to help you through
If you're an abuse survivor who is just coming to terms with your past, then I
strongly recommend enrolling in therapy. A good therapist will help you
understand where your grief comes from and give you new skills to help you cope
with your loss and move on with your life. Writing is also another good way to
reflect and become more self-aware about your past and how it affects your
As you move through your old issues, you'll find certain things that used to
cause intense feelings won't bother you as much anymore. You'll be a better
parent for it. Plus, those "sad feelings" won't feel so sad anymore.
About the Author:
If you liked this article, see other psychology and mental health articles at the ZenTactics website.
Adam Appleson has been actively involved in using personal development techniques to promote psychological health and goal-oriented success for the past 11 years. He is the founder of ZenTactics, a website with advice written especially for survivors of abusive and dysfunctional families.
Contributor: Adam Appleson
Published here on: 06-Dec-09