How we change what others think, feel, believe and do
Guest articles > xx
by: Ronit Baras
The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements
anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect
me to fit them.
One of the hardest things to measure is change. Whenever we are not happy with something in our life, we want to change it. But then, sometimes for years, we look in the mirror and we can't notice the changes we go through. Only while looking at photos from last year do we notice the changes. We are different, but we feel the same.
Have you ever looked at photos of people from your high school reunion and through "They look the same, but somehow different"? Gal (my husband) and I looked at some photos of our high school reunion (which we have missed - poor us!). Some of our friends had glasses, some were bold, some "grew sideways", some looked older and we realised that we must look the same to them, the same but different.
Before and After
It is the same with any change. We can only notice it when we compare the "before" and "after". So a good way to notice change is to take “snap shots” of our life and compare them with older ones as we go along. Whenever you want to change something and you actively work towards it, it is a good idea to have a recording technique. This way, achievement is measurable and easier to reach.
Feelings are the hardest to measure. People say that measuring happiness is especially hard. Yes, it is hard, but not impossible.
The easiest and most effective way to measure the change in feelings, is to have a journal. In order to have a good “snap shot” of before and after, it is wise to start the journal before starting to change. Dedicating 2-3 minutes a day to writing your thoughts, desires, successes and frustrations in a journal can give you an excellent overview of your mindset, vocabulary and thinking patterns. Write by hand, type and print, mark with colours, add drawings, paste stickers or do whatever you like, just keep your impressions of each "now".
Many of our clients say that so many things changed in their thinking patterns after 1 session that they missed some of them by not starting the journal before coaching. After all, the greater the change, the bigger the celebration.
In education, “snap shots” are an essential tool in motivating children. Every child’s progress is measured relative to his or her previous achievements. Growth is the name of the game.
Brian Tracy emphasises in his books, seminars and talks that if we are dedicated to improvement, as small is it may seem, when compounded over a month or a year, produces noticeable change in the results. He recommends setting daily progress goals in several areas, which we think will lead to our desired results.
So we need a separate “snap shot” for each area of life. Divide and conquer. For example, if you want to feel good about your work, split "work" into 5-10 sections that might influence your feeling, like: the hours of work, relationship with boss, relationship with colleagues, level of how interest, commuting, stress level, money/rewards, time off/flexibility, etc.
If you want to improve your relationships and the way you handle people, split that to: love life, parents, siblings, friends, children, boss, colleagues, employees, customers, suppliers, etc.
If each area seems too big and overwhelming still, break each of the sections into smaller ones. For example: when managing stress at work, you can monitor the number of times you ignored or deleted something. You can monitor the number of times you delegated work, the number of times you did something important right away and did not procrastinate, the number of times you stopped to take a deep breath or look out the window, the length and quality of your lunch break, etc.
After "chunking down" the challenge, but before making any changes, score each "chunk" from 0 to 10. Ask yourself "How happy am I with my performance in this area?"
How happy I am with the hours of work? – 7
How happy I am with the relationship with my boss? – 10 (I LOVE my boss)
This snapping technique is easy to use for comparison after making a change. All you need to do is score each area again and compare the "before" with "after".
Remember, the changes you make should make you happy, so you will want to notice and monitor your success. Dedicate yourself to small improvements. Every mountain is made from tiny grains of rock and soil. Every ocean is a collection of raindrops. As you take your steps to happiness, stop from time to time to take a snap shot of the scenery!
Ronit Baras is an Educator, Author, life coach and a presenter specializing in Emotional Intelligence and the founder of the Be Happy in LIFE program
Contributor: Ronit Baras
Published here on: 2-Jun08
Classification: Development, Change